South Korea: A country where asking someone's age is not "bad" but necessary

Joel Bennett, a British citizen, first realized the use of the wrong word when he thanked a restaurant owner for a good meal during his first visit to South Korea.


The owner of the restaurant was a 60-year-old woman and Bennett was 23 at the time. Bennett said "gomau" to say thank you, which in English means to say "thank you" lightly. He was saying this respectfully on his behalf.


At the time, however, Bennett was unaware that he had thanked the restaurant owner in an "unconventional way" and that if he had been Korean, it would have been considered rude.


"I didn't know there were so many ways to say thank you," said Bennett. I thought, thank you, thank you. "


But in Korean culture, Bennett, who was several years younger than the restaurant owner, is expected to use the Korean language complimentary type.


It is a complex language that is considered one of the most difficult languages ​​in the world because it takes into account a person's seniority, social status and relationship with the speaker.


That's why when you meet a new person in South Korea, you should ask about their age.


Talking openly about one's age or the year of one's birth is not only a social tradition but also a social contract that establishes classification among speakers. Even a year difference in age affects the ability to talk and eat with each other.


"The first thing that comes to mind when talking to someone is age, and that's why people are always asking each other age," says Jeon Kyar, a Korean language professor at the University of Oxford. There are. '


"They are not necessarily interested in knowing how old you are, but because they want to choose the right way to talk to you."


In some Western countries, it is not considered appropriate to ask a newcomer how old he or she is, but in order to fully understand in Korean society that age is not really just a number, we need to understand the long-term effects of neo-Confucianism. Is.


Confucianism is an ancient ideology consisting of piety, respect for elders and social order. This ideology prevailed for five hundred years during the reign of the Jozon dynasty (1392-1910) and its imprint on social principles is still seen today.


The theory of Confucianism can only be summed up in two words: humanity and ritual, says Ro Young Chan, director of Korean studies at George Mason University in Virginia.


Ru Ying explains that the teachings of the Chinese philosopher Confucius came to prominence during the turbulent times in Chinese history. To restore peace across the country, Confucius believed that a social structure was needed to save humanity, based on a strict code of conduct and rituals, in which everyone had a special role and his own. Understand the place.


In Neo-Confucianism, social harmony can be achieved by respecting five basic relationships: king and subjects, husband and wife, parents and children, siblings and friends. People who have senior roles, such as parents, husbands and kings, are treated with respect, while in the social structure, junior characters are treated with kindness in return.


But when it comes to meeting a new person in society, who has a higher status and who has to meet with respect, concession and honorary customs, age plays the most important role here.


There are seven levels of writing and speaking in the Korean language etiquette, everyday conversation can be divided into two levels, 'Banmal' (informal and free), 'Jundamil', a slightly formal and formal language whose expression For this, 'U' is added at the end of each sentence.


"Knowing the right language requires a lot of caution and a lot of speaking, and if you use the wrong language, it can be very difficult and you will not be able to communicate with the other person," Kayar said. '